I have demons in me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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