Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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