Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
