If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
