Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
