Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
