can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
