Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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