i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
