Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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