STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
