i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize