i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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