2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
