I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
