so that wasnt chicken after all
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
