You're completely useless in the revolution.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
