well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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