It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
