i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
