Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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