are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
