Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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