You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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