my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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