Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
