i jhust puked up my retainher.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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