The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
