Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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