it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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