the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
