he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
