Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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