bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
