I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
