You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
