Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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