Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
