I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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