I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
