dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
