we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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