My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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