Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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