dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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