My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
