hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
