I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
