Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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