Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
