Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
