he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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