I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize