i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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