Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
