Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
