My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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