I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize