i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
