Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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