OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
