so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize